“Shocking Moment: Trump’s Disturbing Live TV Incident Sends Polls Spiraling into a ‘Dead Heat’ – You Won’t Believe What Happened!”

According to public opinion polls, convicted felon and GOP nominee for President of the United States Donald Trump today further tightened the presidential race after decapitating a baby on “live” TV.  The event, hosted by FOX News, and covered by other right-wing media outlets including NewsMax and OAN, apparently had a somewhat measurable effect on undecided likely voters in the upcoming election, further tightening the race and adding “oomph” to Trump’s appeal to his base, while not adding any actual MAGA members.

“You see,” said Trump “All I’ve done is demonstrate the depravity of the Marxist, Socialist, Fascist, extremist Democrats, who are doing post-birth abortions like this everywhere. I salute the baby who donated its life to stop these horrible people from destroying our society!”

Apparently, Trump’s decapitation demonstration rang true with certain still-undecided voters, as well as some independent voters in swing states, according to public opinion polls. Nate Silver’s 538 aggregation of polls indicated a “dead heat” between Trump and Kamala Harris, following the decapitation.

According to Silver, who in 2016 predicted with 72% certainty a Hillary Clinton landslide win, Trump’s continuing upward movement in the polls indicates that despite Trump’s base only representing 8% of all registered voters, “half the country” believes Trump will make America great again, by enabling a Federal ban on all abortions, increasing the tax burden on ordinary Americans, and implementing the GOP’s Project 2025, which will effectively replace 50,000 civil servants with unqualified “loyalists.” Silver’s ongoing polling analyses indicate voter admiration for Trump’s core values.

“Ever since Trump’s disastrous performance in his debate against Harris, his poll numbers have been moving up. Makes total sense to me” said Silver.

Based on its own polling, CNN’s recent headline proclaimed, “Harris and Trump locked in exceedingly close presidential race.” Meanwhile, USA Today heralded a recent NYT poll indicating “Trump leading in three battleground Sun Belt states…” — this despite the fact that Trump currently awaits sentencing after being found guilty of 34 counts of falsifying business records.

Even some well-respected conservative voices in the media had no problem accepting what polls insist is an unbelievably tight race, as it seems to be in every single national election as far back as most people can remember.

“I know who Trump is,” said NYT Columnist Brett Stevens in a recent television appearance. Essentially, he said “I need to know more about Kamala Harris before deciding to vote for her,” apparently unaware that Harris has been California’s Attorney General, a crusader against corporate greed, a U.S. Senator, and the first woman Vice-President of the United States.

“I still have no idea what we might not know about Harris,” Stevens pondered. “I don’t want to make the wrong decision. What if she’s worse than Trump?” Stevens’ acute intellectual curiosity made waves among the few undecided voters whose inability to determine who to vote for have already bloodied their scalps after months of unrelenting head-scratching.

Buoyed by the mainstream news media’s insistence that the presidential race is too close to call, Trump today announced his plans to shoot someone on 5th Avenue in the coming days, to prove that he “won’t lose a single vote!”

Trump’s accelerating mental decline, his vows to mass-deport legal immigrants, his allegiance to Vladimir Putin, and his promise to be a “Dictator on Day One” have had zero negative impact on likely voters, according to the polls. According to Trump, a shooting on 5th Avenue would simply be “gravy,” establishing him as “the most loved and admired President in the history of all presidents, anywhere, ever.”